Even the right wing in this country says that the current crop of Republican presidential candidates are puny even in the scant shadows cast by the likes of George W. or Herbert Hoover. Other potential candidates have little more to offer. It seems like each current or potential candidate has an anchor tied to their ass and can’t swim.

No matter which candidate runs, let’s face it, he or she will not be calling their own shots. Some amalgamation of corporate leadership will be setting policy.

So, since Citizen’s United made corporations the equivalent of humans (forget that they can’t die or even urinate) why not just cut out the middle man and make it official – nominate a corporation for president?

I am not sure how the age thing would work – if the nominee had once been another name would age count from the last re-incarnation? For instance Altria was around as Phillip Morris for about 100 years, yet Altria is but a babe of 8. Would Altria be eligible?

There may be other constitutional stickiness – say if Boeing was elected, could it bid for military contracts since it was also commander-in-chief? What if the board of directors voted for a merger – would that be considered death by constitutional standards? Well, I do not have the answers to these questions, but we have a cracker-jack Supreme Court that seems to specialize in these type questions. If they can make a concept a person, everything else is easy.

What kind of candidates would throw their smokestack in the ring? Exxon-Mobil? Might be a step down.  Georgia-Pacific? They could deal with those nattering environmental issues then. Maybe one that was really strong on defense like the previously mentioned Boeing or maybe Haliburton (making it real this time unlike 2001 – 2009), or perhaps Raytheon?

I would think that one requirement would be that the mailing address of headquarters at least be in the United States. So those corporations that have screwed the country out of income tax with a Cayman Island tax dodge might finally feel the sting of punishment in the form of presidential ineligibility. Whoops, sorry about that Coke, Oracle and even Altria! That is unless our cracker-jack Supreme Court reveals some hidden meaning in the Constitution that has been long misinterpreted.

While the $400,000 a year salary may seem paltry to a corporation, it would probably be worth it to sweeten the pot with some stock options, bonuses and tax incentives.

I for one look forward to the new order this will bring about. After all, corporations have done nothing but good in their existence.

PepsiCo for President! The Sweet Deal.

However, until this comes to pass, the Republicans do seem to have a quasi-corporation in Mitt Romney. As the guiding light behind Bain Capital, Romney threw thousands upon thousands out of work without compassion. And his real cred as maybe quasi-corporation had to be the other day when he (with his $250 million wealth) joked with unemployed workers that he too was unemployed.

Sounds like some good corporate humor to me.