LAS VEGAS (The Borowitz Report)—Authorities were urging people to remain calm on Tuesday night after the broadcast of a chilling video that terrified millions.
The video, which was broadcast nationally on CNN, appeared to show nine extremists glaring into the camera and making a series of escalating threats.
The radicals’ increasingly violent rhetoric and palpable hatred rattled viewers across the nation, sources said.
Experts who viewed the video acknowledged that the words and images contained in it were alarming, but advised the public to remain calm until the extremists’ threats could be authenticated.
From Andy Borowitz on the Republican Debate last Tuesday
Oh – and we are in the midst of the holiday season. Take care that the pets don’t pack up and leave.
With the holidays in mind we will have questions on holiday trivia and current affairs.
1) Karma, that is what I call it! What pharma CEO was arrested by the Feds in Friday for fraud concerning stock transactions?
2) Documents were released this week that showed that what former Iowa GOP leader got a series of no-bid contracts from the U of Iowa?
3) It was revealed this week that the mysterious buyer of the Las Vegas Review-Journal was what billionaire Republican?
4) What Christmas movie did this line come from? “It’s a one year membership to the Jelly of the Month Club.”
5) Classes were cancelled at a school in what state after a lesson in a geography class on Arabic calligraphy using an Islamic religion phrase prompted voluminous calls and emails?
6) Tomorrow is the first day of what in Melbourne, Australia?
7) Complete the line from the carol “ O come, o come Emanuel. And ransom captive __________”?
8) The best defense is a good offense division. What celebrity filed suit against those who accused him of rape for defamation?
9) The CEO of Sam’s Club, Rosalind Brewer, was accused of discriminating against what group after discussing company diversity in an interview with CNN?
10) Finish this line from the secular Christmas song “Hear the snow crunch, See the kids bunch. This is _________ big scene”?
11) The Supreme Court in Japan ruled that it was not unconstitutional to require married couples to share what?
12) What percent of adults smoke in Iowa?
13) What first iteration of a basic component of the computer was created in Bell Labs on december 23, 1947?
14) U of Iowa president J. Bruce Herrald drew headlines when he stated that unready teachers should be what?
15) A cute song from the early 50s personifies winter precipitation in “Here Comes …. “ who?
16) Senator Marco Rubio condemned the budget bill passed this week, but failed to stop it because of what?
17) The federal CMS delayed the Branstad administration’s implementation of privatization of what because it would cause severe disruptions for tens of thousands of Iowans?
18) The DNC suspended access to their data for which candidate pending investigation of some shenanigans of the campaign’s staff?
19) In negotiations on the budget bill, republicans once more refused to end the ban on what research?
20) “Twas The Night Before Christmas” was written by whom?
Have a good holiday!
Simon and Garfunkel “Silent Night / 7 O’clock News
1) Martin Shkrelli
2) Matt Strawn
3) Sheldon Adelson
4) “Christmas Vacation”
8) Bill Cosby
9) White men
11) their last name
13) the transistor
14) shot. A bit insensitive in these gun violence times
15) Suzy Snowflake
16) his absence. He has stated he doesn’t like the senate so he fails to go there much.
17) Medicaid administration
18) the Bernie Sanders campaign
19) gun violence
20) Clement Clarke Moore