HEALTH QUESTION
& ANSWER SESSION HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

By Susie Petra

Erick Fralick in Ames
sent this on to me. It's good readin' about good eatin,' at least, according to
the conservatives.
Q: I've heard that
cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many
beats, and that's it… Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out
eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like
saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live
longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more
fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies.
What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak
is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your
system. Need grain?   Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field
grass (green leafy vegetable).  And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
recommended daily allowance of vegetable products

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit.
Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit
so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.
Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have
fat, your ratio is one to one.  If you have two bodies, your ratio is two
to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of
participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My
philosophy is: No Pain…Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening….Foods are fried
these days in vegetable oil.   In fact, they're permeated in it. How could
getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting
a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a
muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger
stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another
vegetable. It's the best-feel-good food around!!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure,
explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my life
style?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! !

Well, I hope this has cleared up any
misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember:  “Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with
the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but
rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other –
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, “WOO HOO, What a Ride!”