Destitute But Still A Believer In 'Intelligent Design'

MinutemanMedia.Org – op-ed voices of reason

by Donald Kaul

Donald Kaul recently retired as Washington columnist for the Des Moines Register.

I’ve been retired five
years now (I only write this column as a hobby and to make the world a
better place) and I couldn’t be happier. When my former colleagues ask
me the secret of my success I always tell them: Preparation.

A
few years before your intended date of retirement, begin to slack off
on the job. You will be amazed how few people notice. All those years
you thought you were under-appreciated? You really were. You’re bosses
never noticed what you were doing so when you stop doing it they still
won’t notice.

And if they do, they’ll attribute it to you slowing down with age.

The
thing you have to remember when contemplating retirement is that you
are going to need about twice as much money as you think you will.
There are several ways to secure retirement funds.

•         Be
born rich. Most people with a lot of money were born with a lot of
money. It may not buy happiness but it gets further up the road than
poverty does.

•         Marry
someone with a lot of money. This could range from a spouse who is heir
to a chain of department stores to a person whose father owns a liquor
store. Happiness comes in all sizes.

•         Win
the lottery. I know, you keep hearing stories of people whose lives are
ruined by winning great riches in the lottery. Don’t believe it.

And
last of the keys to a successful retirement is, of course, health.
Fortunately, our Republican friends in Congress have presented us with
a new health care program that includes a prescription drug benefit.

Simply
stated, it says that if you are currently over 65 and have an income of
more than $37,942 a year, adjusted for inflation, and are enrolled in
both Part A and Part B of Medicare but do not have a previously
diagnosed drug benefit you will be able to get a federal subsidy to
your insurance premiums if there are two or more drivers in the family
and you haven’t had an accident in two years.

If
you make less than $12,473 a year, however, you would be well advised
to find yourself a busy corner and sit there with a tin cup and a sign
that says “Destitute but still a believer in Intelligent Design.”

And that’s pretty much my approach to retirement. It works for me; it should work for you.

(click here to read the entire column)

Don Kaul is a two-time Pulitzer Prize-losing Washington correspondent who, by his own account, is right more than he's wrong. Email: donald.kaul2@verizon.net