A Little Late Night Humor
While I was over visiting the Woodbury County Dems website, I ran into some more late night humor I thought I'd share with you.
* * * * *
“The
White House is scrambling to bolster Bush’s image. They are now saying
that while it is true he didn’t go to Vietnam, he did attend an early
screening of ‘Apocalypse Now.’”
–Jay Leno
“Now the
candidates are arguing over the exact format these debates will take.
Kerry wants to stand behind a podium, while Bush wants to stand behind
Dick Cheney.”
–Jay Leno
“John
Kerry criticized Bush for not renewing the ban on assault weapons.
Well, you can understand why Bush doesn’t want to renew the ban. These
are the first weapons of mass destruction that he’s been able to find.”
–Jay Leno
“Political pundits are saying George W. Bush has made gains in two key states: dazed and confused.”
–David Letterman
“According
to a global poll, if the world could vote for president of the United
States, they would choose John Kerry over George W. Bush. However, when
the poll includes the federation of planets, then Ralph Nader wins.”
–Jay Leno
Oh, that one really cracked me up.
“Dick Cheney said that if John Kerry wins, there will be another attack. Then Cheney said, if Bush wins, I'll call it off.”
–Conan O'Brien
* * * * *
“In a
shocking new book by Kitty Kelley, acquaintances of George W. Bush say
that when he was in the National Guard, he liked to sneak out back for
a joint or go in the bathroom and do cocaine. Isn't that unbelievable?
They actually found people who saw Bush in the National Guard.”
–Jay Leno
“According
to a new book, when George W. Bush was on National Guard duty he would
sometimes sneak off to smoke marijuana and snort cocaine. When he heard
this, Bush said, 'That's ridiculous. I never showed up for National
Guard duty.'”
–Conan O'Brien
“Bush
said today he has no plans to read that new book that trashes him by
Kitty Kelly. Asked why he wasn’t going to read it, Bush said, well,
because it’s a book.”
–Jay Leno
* * * * *
“According
to the polls taken right after the convention, Bush is way up, way up
in the polls. In fact, they said if the election were held today, the
Supreme Court would re-elect him 7 to 2, which is better than last
time.”
–Jay Leno
“Bush
and Kerry both focused on the battleground state of Ohio. See, Bush
knows no Republican has ever won the White House without winning Ohio.
Of course, before Bush, no Republican had ever won the White House
without winning the election.”
–Jay Leno
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