Category Archives: Connie Wilson Humor

By Connie Wilson

When I received the tickets to attend John Kerry’s Dubuque, Iowa, appearance on August 3, 2004, from MoveOn.org, I made the mistake of telling the daughter that Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters would be appearing with him. Even though Kerry and crowd were scheduled to hit our home town area the very same night, nothing would do but that we take best friend Amanda Burkert and hit the road for Dubuque.

What follows is an hour-by-hour re-telling of the successful rally, which, they say, drew 4,700 people. (The fire marshall quit letting people in to the Center after about 1,000, so I imagine this is the estimate from the number of tickets pre-printed off the internet or collected at the door.)

It is the first day of school for the daughter and her companion, Amanda (and it is only August 3rd!) but United Township High School in East Moline, Illinois, has gone to a year-round schedule this year. The girls sleep all the way to Dubuque.

3:00 p.m. – We arrive, park, and walk to the venue for the rally, which is the Dubuque Five Flags Center, changed from the outdoor Watchtower Plaza. Button-vendors approach us. I agree to pay $10 for 3 buttons, but only the “clean” ones. I select “John-John 2004” for myself. One girl selects “Cute Chicks Go for Edwards” while the other picks “If You Can Read This, You Aren’t the President.” However, there are other more “colorful” buttons (one reads BU—SH__) which I refuse to purchase for the under-age girls, who promptly whip out their OWN money and buy them, anyway, as well as the “A–es of Evil” one. (We won’t go there).

3:30 p.m. – It turns out that we have been waiting at the wrong door. It works out well for Amanda, who is interviewed by Channel 7 regarding her opinion of rock artists campaigning for their favorite candidates. Amanda is wearing pink glasses that make her look like she is auditioning for a remake of “Return from the Black Lagoon.” They are thick, goggle-like, and pink plastic. We have been kidding her about these glasses all day. She still looks darling! The girls are as cute as buttons, and this has not escaped the young reporter’s attention. (Nobody wants to ask me anything.)  When asked why she is in attendance, Amanda says, “My friend’s mother made me come!” (And I had predicted a 9:00 p.m. return home, while we really don’t get there until 11:00 p.m. on a school night! Sorry, Amanda’s mom.)

4:00 p.m. -We begin chatting with those around us, who are now beginning to pass out. (“MEDIC! MEDIC!”) I am not kidding about this passing out thing. The first one goes down at 4:10 p.m. There are many people in wheelchairs, being wheeled by relatives, and the high humidity, high temperatures, threat of thunderstorms, and tornado warnings contribute to a really miserable in-line experience. I learn that the young couple behind us have driven from Oelwein, Iowa; that the woman from Savannah, Illinois pushing the elderly woman in the wheelchair has the only “local” in tow who is actually from Dubuque.
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