Category Archives: Connie Wilson Humor

Connie Wilson: Bush Forces Look Worried in Davenport Appearance (10/25)

Posted on October 26, 2004 by bfialindathieman

Bush Forces Look Worried in Davenport Appearance (10/25)

By Connie Wilson

Connie Wilson files yet another classy report from the Bush rally in Davenport yesterday

Considering that one of the Republican bumper stickers bears the message “Flush the Johns,” I learned something surprising at the Bush rally at the Davenport, Iowa, River Center on Monday, October 25th. Republican women don’t flush. At least, not as much as they should. Three stalls on the left side of the rest room. Only one was flushed. [Please join me in a chorus of “Eeeuuuuwwww!”]

The crowd inside the River Center, which holds 4,000, was smaller than I had anticipated. At approximately 2/3 full, this would be 2,640 people. I later heard that only 3,000 tickets were distributed. The crowd was much smaller than that at the Edwards rally in Iowa City on Thursday, the 21st, and much smaller than that at the Waterloo airport for Kerry on Tuesday, October 19th.

I see numerous people I know on my way to the rally: my trust executive from the world’s fifth-largest bank; Andrea Zinga and husband (who, since she is a Republican candidate from Illinois, running against Lane Evans, was surprisingly absent from the stage full of people-props behind Bush); Mary Jane and Rocky Nelson of Hampton, who worked for and with me for years at the Sylvan Learning Center (and, before that, at United Township High School); Jane Robinson of Silvis, former Silvis School Board Member.

In other words, “the usual suspects,” wonderful people all. But growing smaller and smaller in numbers, it seems. And, (with the exception of the above-mentioned account executive and the always-youthful Andrea), older and older. Not a one of them under seventy.

Bush rallies are full of people who are primarily….well…. old. (Takes one to know one.) Bush rallies usually seem to have many present who are better-dressed than their Democratic counterparts. Bush rallyers are more predictable, in that certain “buzz words” are used to denigrate the opposition and set off a Pavlovian response from the assembled mini-masses…”flip-flop”, for example, during this campaign year.

Republican rallies have Country & Western music or really old recorded music…and not much of that. At one point, I thought I heard a Rolling Stones song, but then, listening again, I thought: “Naaaaah.” Republican rallies invoke God, over and over and over again. This makes me increasingly uneasy. (Whatever happened to “separation of church and state?”)
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Connie Wilson: Edwards Rally in Iowa City

Posted on October 22, 2004 by bfialindathieman

Edwards Rally in Iowa City

By Connie Wilson

[A big THANK YOU to Connie Wilson for her intrepid reporting as she has covered the political scene for Blog for Iowa!]

Thursday, October 21, 2004

In the field across from the Iowa Memorial Union at Madison and Jefferson streets in Iowa City, on Thursday, October 21st, the movie star of the campaign came to town and showed us the future of the Democratic party.

Whatever happens, John Edwards is here to stay, politically, on the national scene. Not since JFK have women voters swooned like this over a 51-year-old heart-throb, who, in this case, is running for Vice President on the Democratic ticket. Of course, the student introducing Edwards, Karen Emerson, President of the University Young Democrats, accidentally introduced John Edwards as “the next President of the United States,” which may have been wishful thinking on her part.


John Edwards in Iowa City yesterday.


Before Edwards spoke, the usual array of hopeful local candidates had their say. Jim Larew, an attorney and a Johnson County Democrat talked about John Edwards’ integrity and the fact that “his feet touched the ground.” He described “stalking” him during the caucuses.

Dave Franker, candidate for Congress in Iowa District 2, noted that we “only have 12 more days to go,” and added, “If you want change, you have to vote for change.” Since Franker is running neck and neck against the vulnerable Republican Jim Leach, he took the opportunity to point out that Leach would be backing Dick Cheney. The contrast between Cheney and Edwards could hardly be more pronounced. Which one of these guys do we want a heartbeat away from the Presidency? Especially since they may have to use the paddles on Cheney at any minute!
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Connie Wilson: Al Franken Keynote Speaker at JJ Dinner

Posted on October 19, 2004 by bfialindathieman

Al Franken Keynote Speaker at JJ Dinner

by Connie Wilson

Saturday, October 16, 2004

The annual Jefferson/Jackson Democratic dinner at Veteran’s Memorial Auditorium in Des Moines, Iowa, was held on Saturday, October 16th, with a large crowd of enthusiastic Democrats in attendance.

Prior to Al Franken’s keynote speech, the Maple Street Missionary Baptist Church Choir and numerous Democratic candidates performed and a number of Democrats for various offices spoke, including a long speech by Governor Tom Vilsack and a longer one by Iowa Senator Tom Harkin (previous Howard Dean supporter).

The Lt. Governor of Iowa, Sally Pederson, noted, in her opening remarks, that in Dubuque, during the filming of “Field of Dreams”, there were more people hired to film that movie than “W” has created jobs for during his four years as pResident.

Leonard Boswell, Iowa’s lone Democratic Congressman (from District 3), made his entrance on a motorcycle. Gerald McEntee of the AFSCME International Union bellowed mightily as “host” of the event, but the acoustics were so bad that it was difficult to understand him.

Sharon Stone no-showed, but Vanessa Kerry (Future First Daughter) was smart, poised and savvy in black stiletto pumps. Her intelligent remarks and articulate presence (no bellowing) made her a crowd favorite, as we all waited for the star of the evening, Al Franken, to take the stage.

What follows are some of Franken’s best lines.

First, Al noted, “If Iowa goes for Kerry, you’re all gonna be nuked,” citing Vice pResident Dick Cheney’s recent speech in Des Moines as the source for this outrageous remark. He also noted that Bush would have us all become hunter/gatherers and that he (Franken) would be “fighting over a root….to the death” with the man in the front row. (Much laughter at this.)

Franken comments on the debate: “Language has never been his (“W’s”) strong suit.” (Much laughter). “The Republicans like to use ‘evil-doers’ a lot. Cheney works evil-doers in because everybody on the Republican side has to.” (This is followed by a parody of Cheney’s head and neck posturing, while saying, “Evil doers.”) Al is good. Read his last book.
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Connie Wilson: Jefferson/Jackson Democratic Dinner in Des Moines

Posted on October 18, 2004 by bfialindathieman

Jefferson/Jackson Democratic Dinner in Des Moines

By Connie Wilson

Keynote Speaker – Al Franken

AND YOU ARE THERE!

Or

”A Mush Mute, a Big Hat and a Plum”

Just a few comments about the October 16th Jefferson/Jackson annual Democratic dinner at Veterans’ Memorial Auditorium in Des Moines.

1)    The acoustics at Veterans’ Memorial Auditorium suck.

2)    Because the acoustics suck, the large TV screens have captioning. The captioning must be done by a machine. This can lead to much merriment. Especially if you have made it your goal, after at least three hours of waiting, to obtain and consume a minimum of three glasses of white zinfandel prior to Al Franken’s appearance.


Connie and Al Franken, the camara lens no
doubt covered in white wine (see below).


3)    “Ed is the Governor of Pencil.” I think the machine MEANT to say that Ed is or was the Governor of Pennsylvania.

4)    The word “Dear” is listed as “Deer.”

5)    The machine cannot make up its mind whether the choir of Gospel Singers is from the Maple or Elm Street Missionary Baptist Church Choir. At this point, the machine is introducing various tree types. Things are very confused.
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Connie Wilson’s Report on the ACT Concert in Ames (live webcast tonight at 5:30pmCT)

Posted on October 11, 2004 by bfialindathieman

America Coming Together Concert: October 6, Ames, Iowa – Hilton Coliseum

by Stacey and Connie Wilson

UPDATE:  Tonight, the FINAL ACT concert will be webcast live for your enjoyment, starting at 5:30pm Iowa time.  Click on the link below:

http://www.vfcfinale.com/


On Wednesday, October 6th, at 6:00 p.m., my 17-year-old daughter and I began the trip to Ames, Iowa, home of Iowa State University, to hear Dave Matthews Band, along with My Morning Jacket, Jurassic5 and Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals. We would not return to Des Moines for the night until 1:48 a.m.


Dave Matthews in Ames (photo: Stacey Wilson)


Hilton Coliseum was packed. With 14,178 seats, all of which appeared to be sold out, the concert (at roughly $50 a ticket) grossed an estimated $708,900 for the Kerry/Edwards campaign war chest (exclusive of band expenses). While it was “politics light,” with most of the acts simply urging the young crowd to vote at all, while not necessarily saying for whom, the concert was organized by MoveOn.org to (hopefully) rally the youth vote for the Democratic ticket. Judging from the number of Bush/Cheney stickers on cars in the parking lot, the largest contribution that many of these students will make will be financial, as some were obviously just there for the music. As they exited in their Bush/Cheney cars, they hunched down like criminals leaving the scene of a crime.
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Connie Wilson: The Daughter and The Road Trip

Posted on October 7, 2004 by bfialindathieman

Connie Wilson: The Daughter and The Road Trip

By Connie Wilson

Connie submits this report from her cross-state Democratic Road Trip with “the daughter.”

The daughter and I returned from our SIX-HOUR concert about 1:30 a.m. last night.  I cannot remember a concert where I drew Snoopy on the left ankle of the young man behind me (in red ink) and then, on his right ankle, played tic-tac-toe with my daughter.  (It was a draw.) Plus, I sprayed BOTH of the young man’s feet with Burberry perfume (from my purse) since they were really smelly feet, which he insisted on parking on the arms of MY chair. At one point, he grabbed my notebook and wrote in it, “I have no idea what you are doing here. I can't see sh-t, but keep this. Thanks and bye.” Earlier, I heard him and his friends discussing how I had “probably remembered every President back to Lincoln.” The sad thing is, they are right. He kids me about “growing up in the seventies” and wants to know if I ever “smoked reefer.” I feel flattered that he thinks I “grew up in the 70's.”  That makes me much younger than I am, so I am enjoying that comment. As for the reefer question: allergic, you know. Only contact highs. I respond, “Yes, but I never inhaled,” thinking he will get the joke. He does not.
 
In the parking lot afterwards, while waiting for the cars to move out to the road, the car ahead of us contains a fake snake. One of the young college men in the party puts the snake between his legs and gyrates (like a Chippendale Dancer).The snake looks very real, so I roll my car windows up. The daughter, who is beginning to sound a little like Typhoid Mary, says, “Why are you rolling up the windows?” I pretend it is for her health. It is really because I fear that the kid with the snake might gyrate over to us and do God-knows-what.

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Connie Wilson: White House Press Corps Member, Part 4

Posted on September 28, 2004 by bfialindathieman

 Connie Wilson:  White House Press Corps Member, Part 4


Connie Wilson dissects Bush's Colorado campaign speech and really let's him have it!

Now comes the onslaught: A sampling of some truly outrageous tactics and statements. First, this one: 

1) “The American President must be clear in his thinking and must be clear in his speaking in order to effectively lead.” (hahahahahahaha) Right after this, I believe he mispronounced both the word “bio-deisel” and the name of the Japanese Prime Minister.

2)    “I will never turn over America’s national security decisions to other countries.” Trust me. No other countries want anything to do with us any more, and most certainly they don’t want to be fighting our unnecessary wars. They have problems of their own, and the cost of ours has shown them that this is NOT the way.

3)    “Liberty can transform an enemy into an ally.” This is a Harry Truman quote. Some nerve. There is no real proof that liberty, alone, has made any country I am aware of our “ally.” France has liberty. They used to be our ally. I think the past tense is perhaps the important thing here. Insert your own support for this quote…if you can.

4)    “I want a chance for our children and grandchildren to grow up in a more peaceful world.” (Certainly why he bombed Iraq back to the Stone Age and is purportedly amassing troops now to move on Iran.) George W. Bush is many things. A pResident on the side of peace he is not. I just want a chance for my 17-year-old to grow up AT ALL, since we may have to re-institute the draft once “W” really gets rolling on his “Save the World Crusade.”

5)    “Freedom is powerful.” So is money. So is oil. So is the stench of bull—t.

6)    “I want to spread freedom to the world, not because it is America’s gift to the world, but because freedom is the Almighty God’s gift to the world.” Careful, George. Some people call him Allah. Some people don’t call him at all. Some people would like you to just NOT spread anything you touch in their direction, at this point, because it is all turning to (rhymes with twit).

7)    “We will continue to lead the world to make it free and more peaceful.” OK. I can’t help myself. One more “R-iiiiiiiight!”

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Connie Wilson: White House Press Corps Member, Part 3

Posted on September 21, 2004 by bfialindathieman

 Connie Wilson:  White House Press Corps Member, Part 3


When last we left Connie, the puppet of the junta-select was just about to ascend the podium.  I suppose it will come as no surprise that certain Bush mis-statements cannot stand up to the scrutiny of Connie Wilson, Intrepid Reporter!

Bush begins: “Thanks for comin’.  I’m proud to be back. It’s nice to be out west where the cowboy hats outnumber the ties. And it’s nice that the man who led the drive is now out here leading my drive.” I assume this is a reference to the almost-inarticulate Elway of the Denver Broncos. It’s the “Man of the People” thing, despite the fact that the speaker is anything BUT a “man of the people.” Ah, yes, the Good Old Boy network is alive and well.

Bill Owens, the Governor of Colorado, says that we are “safer, stronger and life is better for all Americans,” and gets in a plug for Zell Miller, that wacky Democrat. What planet is this man living on?


Connie's Press Pass


“W” gets to the real core of his message as to why he should be re-selected, and here it is: “It is most important of all that I be re-elected (sic) so that Laura will continue to be the First Lady.” It’s a variation on the song theme, “Tell Laura I Love Her.” To quote the October, 2004, issue of “Mother Jones” magazine (p. 30), “Laura Bush was most famously used to put a friendly face on issues. In April 2001, Laura, the librarian, kicked off the Campaign for America’s Libraries. A week later, her husband cut funding for the Library Service and Technology Act, the Reading is Fundamental program, and the National Commission on Libraries and Information Science. Oops.”

Bush continues: (he has been thanking everyone in Colorado, individually and personally, for at least 20 minutes, without any substantive policy statements), “I’m a little mad at Ben Nighthorse Campbell (an American Indian senator) for retiring, but I feel a lot better knowing that Pete Coors is gonna be in the U.S. Senate.” Well. That makes one of us. Pete Coors is running ads all over Colorado television making fun of IOWA. Pete Coors, talking about frivolous governmental spending, says, “They allocated (fill in your own figure here) for a rainforest in Iowa. IN IOWA!” He says this last part very sneeringly, as though Iowa is a synonym for excrement. I have a lot of classmates and close friends who left Iowa to teach in Colorado; not a one of them was amused by this demeaning ad, viewing it as a colossal put-down of our state, (which it is and was.) Keep that in mind if you are a transplanted Colorado resident, out of Iowa.

I might add, if Coors is so upset over waste in governmental spending, maybe he should read the article “Waste Not, Profit Not” (“Mother Jones”, page 23), in which colossal waste is reported by those actually IN Iraq,  caused by the sweetheart Halliburton deal. James Warren, a former KBR Convoy Truck Driver says, “The theft was rampant. Most of the stealing was done between 9 p.m. and midnight, when the trucks were at Camp Anaconda. I reported this to my convoy commander, Don Martin, who told me, “Don’t worry about it. It’s the Army stealing from the Army.” (See Joaquin Phoenix 2003 movie “Buffalo Soldiers” for more on this topic, in general). 

Warren went on to say, “In March, I called KBR President Randy Harl personally and told him about the theft going on at night at Camp Anaconda. He promised he would get to the bottom of it, and thanked me. I never saw any evidence that KBR tried to stop the theft after my call to Mr. Harl.” Or we might quote Michael West, former labor foreman for Camp Anaconda who said, “Of the 35 or so Halliburton employees at Camp Anaconda, only a handful had anything to do….The human resources supervisor said, ‘Don’t worry. Just write down 12 hours. Walk around, look around, look busy.” Henry S. Bunting, former Procurement Officer, reports that he was requested to break purchase orders down under $2,500 in value, so that “we wouldn’t be required to solicit more than one quote. Large requisitions were split into smaller requisitions below the $2,500 level. I questioned this practice early on, but was told by my supervisor to get back to my purchase orders.”

So, if Pete Coors wants to worry about “waste,” a rain forest in Iowa sounds like a pretty good idea right about now, compared to continuing to support this misguided war. But I digress.

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Connie Wilson: White House Press Corps Member, Part 2

Posted on September 20, 2004 by bfialindathieman

 Connie Wilson:  White House Press Corps Member, Part 2


When last we left Connie, she and her Republican ordained deacon/photographer friend, Sue Ann, had finally ensconsed themselves in the Press Box at a Bush rally somewhere in Colorado….

There was little happening at first. In fact, the man who came out and slapped the Presidential seal on the podium got a HUGE round of applause, for, basically, nothing. There was a group playing…a local group.

“Do you know any of those people up there?” I asked, repeatedly. And, repeatedly, the answer was, “No.” Even I recognized Karl Rove and Karen Hughes when they appeared on a balcony, stage right, but none of the Media seemed to notice. The “staffers” said things in response to my attempts to clarify our entertainment source like, “I don’t listen to country music.” This from the black-clad Jennifer. For a group that “doesn’t listen to country music,” the Republicans are sure counting on their votes. I think you C&W people are being “played.” Smarten up!

Sue Ann and I, both middle-aged and clad in sensible shoes, had warned Jennifer that she would cripple herself before she was thirty if she continued to wear these really high shoes, but she responded, “My grandmother said that, if you want to be beautiful, you have to suffer.” (She said this just before falling down about four steps). Jennifer has a lot of suffering to go through, from all indications. Just being at this rally might qualify.

The types in charge claimed that there were 15,000 present at the rally in the huge arena, which had actual seating. I had brought a blanket to sit on and was using it to conceal a sign (for later) that said, “Bush/Cheney: Farm and Ranch Team.” To me, it was a funny slogan, coming, as it does, from the scion of an East coast family with ties to Yale and Saudi Arabian oil. One of the Republicans present, when I wasn’t looking, removed the sign from inside my blanket that I was going to take home for my Republican husband and family. Essentially, he stole it from me. Why does this not surprise me?


This photo of the frail but courageous protestor, with Connie's
 friend Sue Ann in the center foreground, is from the Denver Post.
The elderly man shouted,”You lied, Mr. pResident, you lied!”
 before he was escorted out by an eight-member security team.


The man from KCNC-TV leaned down, at one point, when I sought a seat on the bottom of the camera risers next to the Channel 4 Anchorman and said, “You can’t bump those tripods.” Well, no, I suppose not. Everybody was guarding their space very territorially. Sue Ann’s picture of the sole elderly gentleman protesting was a shot that could have been sold for actual cash. Good-hearted soul that she is, she generously agreed to send it to the professional photographer next to her, who missed the entire fracas, as I almost did, since I was several feet below the riser area. I have a picture of eight men jumping on the geriatric protestor, but it looks like some kind of worshipping of the Sun God, as I was shooting in to the sun and got only their backs. They must have felt very brave, subduing a man who looked like he needed a wheelchair.
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Connie Wilson: White House Press Corps Member

Posted on September 19, 2004 by bfialindathieman

Connie Wilson: White House Press Corps Member

Blog for Iowa's intrepid reporter hides her true Deaniac colors and goes au Republican


White House Press Corps Member: September 14th, Denver, Colorado….
AND YOU WERE THERE!

By Connie Wilson

Whatever made me think that I could masquerade as a good Republican and get a White House Press Pass for the Bush Rally at Coors Amphitheatre in Denver, Colorado, on Tuesday, September 14th?  I do own a “good Republican cloth coat,” but it was much too warm for wearing that. So I put on my best Omega gold jewelry and my caramel-colored Jones of New York three-piece suit with matching heels to pick up my tickets. The woman making us sign our names, addresses and serial numbers complimented me on my outfit. I was, as they say, “In like Flynn.” (Or was it Flint?) I brazenly asked her, “How do I go about getting a Press Pass for the event?” Here comes, as Paul Harvey used to say, “the rest of the story.”

As it turned out, it was no easy matter getting this official White House Press Pass. You had to fax a request, on letterhead, complete with your name, date of birth, social security number, organization for which you wrote, your affiliation with this organization, your blood type and your approximate net worth. I’m just kidding about the last two, but I’m not kidding about the others. [And me without a letterhead! Or enough of a net worth!]


Sue Ann in the Press Box


My trusty Republican friend, Sue Ann, and I had just returned from my book signing, in the scenic prison town of Canon City (7 miles from the Royal Gorge). It was midnight. We had to gerry rig a “letterhead” from the blog picture, provide the information requested, and fax it. We also had phone numbers to call, which I did at 6 a.m. the day of the event (no answers). It was midnight, the night before the event.

“But they won’t get this until the day of the event,” said Sue Ann.

I fixed her with a steely gaze. “That’s the beauty part, Sue Ann. It’s genius!

I’m counting on it, in fact…That, plus your vast array of camera equipment. Hang everything you own around your neck! We’ll either look very official or we’ll look like lost Japanese tourists.”
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