For those of you who read DailyKos you will recognize the following post as the writings of Bill Harnsberger aka “Bill In Portland Maine.” BIPM is the purveyor of much wit and much truth in his daily “Cheers and Jeers” column. Thursday BIPM wrote of his excitement of finally being able to come out of the shadows of being a second class citizen and moving into the light of having health care. I am in a similar situation and as excited as a pup going to his new home.

Since BIPM does such a better job with words than I do, I am stealing part of his Thursday post and pretending it is exactly what I would say. The whole post is here. For best health I recommend one reading of Cheers and Jeers daily.

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

Good Morning! I’ll Be Your Guinea Pig Today.

They call it the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act. Also known as Obamacare, aka Romneycare-gone-nationwide. See also: Socialism, Tyranny, Government intrusion, Death panels and/or injecting a modicum of sanity into our predatory health insurance system, aka the Industry of “No!” Whatever you call it, the final piece is gonna plop into place real soon. Like next week soon.

Ever since my COBRA plan ran outta juice from my previous employer four years ago, I’ve been the proverbial uninsured American. I could be on my partner’s plan now, but the premiums are obscene. I could’ve signed up for my own coverage, but holy shit, no. If they wanted to screw me that bad they could at least buy me dinner and a movie first.

In short, if I have a major health event—say, if I get hit by a bus or my liver writes me a Goodbye Cruel Billy note—I’m financially screwed whether I have coverage or not. So, knowing Obamacare was coming, I decided to go, temporarily, without insurance. To compensate, I’ve taken better care of myself via vegetables, vitamins and a bubble-wrap body suit. So far, so good.

But now that Obamacare is finally on the cusp of full implementation, I’m ready to prostate…er…prostrate myself on the altar of this Grand Public-Private Experiment In Quasi-Universal Health Care. I’m here to be sold, so go ahead…lay it on me, Ron Popeil!

For the next “x” number of days, weeks and months, I’ll update this space occasionally with the results of my tire kicking, fine-print reading and, ultimately, my signing-upping for Obamacare. I’ve deliberately avoided diving into the weeds (much) the last few years because I want to experience it as a newbie. As of now I know that there’s a bronze plan, a silver plan, a gold plan, a platinum plan, and a titanium plan that involves surgically grafting your own personal physician to your hip.

What I want out of Obamacare is pretty simple: decent coverage for a decent price, and a deductible that totals less than one of Mitt Romney’s Cayman Islands accounts. Yesterday I read this via ericlewis0 that gives me hope I won’t be laying out too many Franklins:

Premiums before tax credits will be more than 16 percent lower than projected:

The weighted average second lowest cost silver plan for 48 states (including DC) is 16 percent below projections based on the ASPE-derived Congressional Budget Office.

That’s a good start. I’d do a cartwheel, but it might put me in the hospital.

The exchanges go live Tuesday. Then the fun begins. Meanwhile Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold… [Turn yer head.] RIGHTNOW! [Cough!!]

Let me add the words of Martin Luther King to the how important access to health care will be to many of us.

“Of all the forms of inequality, injustice in health care is the most shocking and inhumane.”

Well, we will no doubt crash the phone system Tuesday, but we will get through eventually.