Mom vs. Grandpa
By Sam Garchik
Has anyone else out there noticed that Sarah Palin looks kind of like your mom? And that Joe Biden looks kind of like Grandpa?
Everyone
one of you knows that Grandpa's job is to give you stuff that gets you
in trouble: BB Guns, Candy, Chemistry Sets, Rockets, Motorcyles,
Healthcare. Mom's job is to make sure you act wisely: Save Money, Clean
Your Room, Be Home By Midnight.
Here's what I'm thiinking their debate will go like:
Biden
(aka Grandpa): You all deserve something fun. You've had a hard day.
Your mom doesn't understand that you need to be rewarded for all of
that. Want some healthcare?
Palin
(aka Mom): We can't afford healthcare, grandpa. Why do you always give
the children (American voters) what they want? I work all the time. You
spend my money on garbage. When was the last time they brushed their
teeth?
Grandpa:
Teeth? Brushing? They haven't brushed their teeth because they've been
up all night making environmentally sound energy policies (aka doing
drugs). They wil brush their teeth when they are good and ready. Here,
kids, have some organic, grass feed candy.
Mom:
They should know better. They need to go to bed. I can't believe your
letting them play around with dangerous weapons of mass destruction.
And those friends of theirs (aka terrorists)? Didn't I tell you not to
let them play with those people? Besides, what happened to all the good
toys I bought at Wal-Mart, the ones made in China?
Grandpa:
Those all broke. I bought them new toys, made from sustainable
forrestry products. They last much longer. As soon as eat lunch made
form products which are grown locally and labeled with the country they
came from, we can clean the house with organic cleaning products. That
should make you happy.
Mom:
Look, I work all the time, and I take care of all of my children. My
husband, who is not here because he is in astronaut traning (besides
being a union member, a oil worker, a fisherman and a snowmobile
racer), will come back and take care of the kids then. Until then, I
want you to know that I expect you, old man, to take care of them.
Grandpa:
Me? Im old, I only get social security. My 401k was outsourced to
Dubai. I can't afford to take care of children with high co-pays and
the price of gas being what it is. And the train? I take it every day
to go home, but it's Amtrak, and our government doesn't invest enough
money in public transportation for it to work all the time.
Mom:
Well, it's not my fault that when mom died the death tax took all your
hard earned monney. I'd love to send them to school, but I can't
because they teach so-called 'science,' there, for heaven's sake. You
know that until we can pass vouchers, im stuck sending my children to
school with non-whites. Lord help us all.
Grandpa:
Raising kids isnt that hard. I raised 2 with no mom when I was in the
Senate. That should tell you something about that job. No onder I want
to be Vice President.
Palin:
You know, I want to be Vice President also. I am young, but so were the
Kennedy's when John F. thought abour running for Vice -President in
1956.
Biden: Governor, I knew Jackie Kennedy. I served with Jackie Kennedy. And let me tell you, you're no Jackie Kennedy.
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